hello! currently grateful to be in warmer, cheaper countries
this week: is Europe actually that awesome? (maybe) & (way too many) thoughts on Lizzy McAlpine
Greetings from Lisbon, Portugal! I was this close to writing about my love for terrace culture. One of my favorite hobbies recently has been drinking espresso or a glass of crisp, white wine on a terrace whilst people watching on a city-center adjacent narrow street (I am embarrassed that this paragraph even flowed out of my fingers, but it is how I feel??).
Luckily for you, that is not what you’ll be reading about today. My original intention was to argue that the US hasn’t structurally incorporated ritual and simple pleasures into every day life in the same ways Southern Europe has (my evidence being having afternoon espressos and wine whilst on a beautiful terrace lol 🙄).
To make that argument though, I had to ask myself the question: How often living my normal life in the US, would I actually go out and experience a terrace in the middle of the day?
Because the more I reflect on the unique experiences and micro-cultures I’m encountering, the more I wonder if they are novel simply because I am more open to having these new experiences.
Essentially, the new question I’m asking myself is:
“Is this Europe, or am I just on vacation?”
When visiting new places we (obviously) want to experience new things! This is objectively the whole point of traveling and going on vacation. I didn’t come all the way to Lisbon just to sit in my hotel room and get a slice of pizza for dinner. In addition to being more motivated to experience new things in new places, it is also easier. Trips are temporary, and we’re therefore more willing to spend more time and money on these experiences.
My takeaway from this reflection has not been that I should downplay the amazement I feel about terrace culture and beautiful neighborhoods with cafes on every block (even though there is an abundance of cafes in the US and terraces where I can also enjoy summer).
Instead, it’s that traveling has made me want to more fully experience the place I call home. Seeing new places not only shows us new experiences. It can also hopefully teach us to see the novelty and beauty in our own everyday lives. ✨✨
Older - Lizzy McAlpine (released April 5, 2024)
didn’t know I had this much to say about Lizzy McAlpine…but here we are
This album has to do with traveling because it is the soundtrack I am currently experiencing Europe through!!! Considering my Spotify recents look like this:
I’d say it is finally time for me to talk about Lizzy McAlpine’s Older album.
I’ve been a Lizzy fan since 2020 (Give Me a Minute iykyk), but there is a chance you don’t know Lizzy, in which case..
Lizzy McAlpine is an indie-pop singer-songwriter and Older is her third album. Probably her biggest claim to fame so far, is that she achieved virality for her song, “Ceilings” on TikTok last year. IMO the best part about Lizzy is that she is an incredible vocalist. I mostly talk about lyrics for the rest of this review, but please know that if you’re a vocals/harmony girly Lizzy is the person for you.
This album took me a couple of listens, but I’ve really grown to love it (so much so that i’m struggling to get through the rest of #popgirlspring because this is the only album I want to listen to ever). Lizzy McAlpine is my age, and Older definitely feels like a coming-of-age project. The songs are relationship tracks, but they’re used to contextualize Lizzy’s relationship with herself and common feelings of the twenty-something journey.
I hear this album in three different sections (separated by the two singles: I Guess and Older) that each track different moments of self-exploration through this relationship.
trying
This section embodies that cliche quote that talks about how you can’t really love someone else until you learn to love yourself. The album opens with six defeatist, self-deprecating songs expressing Lizzy’s lack of confidence in her ability to sustain her relationship. In this opening section, the tracks really hammer the same themes of insecurity and a general feeling that something-is-not-right (maybe even too much…like six songs is a lot), but in different ways.
The Elevator ⭐⭐⭐.5
The Elevator opens the album in a tentatively hopeful, and excited way. Lizzy paints a picture of the inevitability of her new relationship. She says, “it wasn’t slow, it happened fast / and suddenly, the only thing I saw was you” as if she had no choice except to fall into it. This song also does the cool thing of introducing Lizzy’s new band (and overall sound) ending the track with a substantial instrumental section that kind of washes over and carries you into the rest of the album.
Come Down Soon ⭐⭐⭐⭐.5
Come Down Soon is another great band song about how good things are, but how everything will probably “come down soon” because “nothing this good ever lasts this long for me”. This song has a pretty consistent groove that sort of neutrally presses forward a sad message. It almost makes me almost want to yell at Lizzy and tell her to just snap out of it. The song continues adamantly with “oh, it’ll come down soon” repetitions until the very end though.
Like it Tends to Do ⭐⭐⭐
Like It Tends To Do feels like a more introspective version of Come Down Soon. I hear a hypothetical scenario that Lizzy is playing through in her head. In this world, things have gotten awkward, they don’t really know where they stand anymore. She says, “If we were standing in the same room / would we be in separate corners? / would I actively avoid you?” as if each person were invisible to the other, yet so aware of each other’s presence. These are feelings Lizzy knows well - it’s a situation that has happened before, as “it tends to do”.
Movie Star ⭐⭐⭐⭐.5
The following track, Movie Star directly contrasts with that feeling of invisibility and opens with the line, “he sees me / he chose me / I feel like a movie star”. This song to me is about not being able to feel yourself, like a real person, around someone. The song goes on to describe how she “feel(s) like a movie star, but it’s getting old / being famous for someone”. I think the way these two songs are put together is powerful because they make it seem like Lizzy doesn’t even know what she wants. She wants to be seen, but not too much. Movie Star is another fav on the album for me music wise because Lizzy’s vocals and harmonies are sooo good.
All Falls Down ⭐⭐⭐
All Falls Down feels more explicitly like a “let’s talk about me and my own issues” song than the other tracks we’ve been hearing. The lyrics describe how even when everything seems to be going well and things look okay, really everything “all falls down” at the same time. On my first couple listens of the album I really wanted more from this song. Overall, I think the album lacks a super upbeat hit and this maybe could have been the one?? I’ve come around to it more and now think it showcases her band really well and that the album is really meant to have a smoother, groove to it anyway. Because of the above reasons though, I can only give this song 3 stars. 😢
Staying ⭐⭐⭐.5
Staying is yet again about how Lizzy is feeling angsty! While her partner lies fast asleep next to her and can “look so peaceful”, Lizzy lays awake, in her head, dreading the inevitable day her partner “loves me dry”. Despite carrying the same theme as the other songs in this section, Staying ends hopefully and leads nicely into I Guess. Lizzy ends the song saying, “Maybe I will some day / Let this go forever / Hold me until I find the nerve.”
I Guess
I Guess ⭐⭐⭐.5
Finally, after we’ve heard Lizzy unpack why her relationship is essentially doomed and gonna fail, we get to I Guess which feels like “let’s just jump in and see” moment. I Guess is about how life and love and figuring-out-who-you-are, are really messy and awkward processes. The lyrics walk through moments of a first date and the process of trying to figure out whether there is anything real going on.
“Wish it was easy / I wish I knew / what I was doing, but I never do”
I like that this song is kind of in the middle of the album, and I like how cautiously hopeful it ends.
“I guess it’s all about trying / to love someone you’ve never met”.
Everything is Awful
After I Guess is the section that has slowly grown to become my favorite part of the album. It’s kind of heartbreaking because after Lizzy decides to *make the jump*, she begins to describe a scene in which all of her fears are realized and things get toxic quick…
Drunk, Running ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Drunk, Running is about substance abuse and ignoring seemingly “silly” red flags (like breaking your leg drunk running) in a relationship. More broadly though, it’s about not having the courage to hold someone accountable. This song is as much about the person not stopping their friend from drunk running, and as it is about the person doing the drunk running. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what this line means: “Say I love you / and then drink it backwards”.
Can you even say you love someone, if you’re too afraid to do what’s best for them? Can you even say you love yourself, if you’re unable to walk away? 🤨
Broken Glass ⭐⭐⭐.5
This song talks explicitly about being in an abusive relationship. If Drunk, Running was about noticing red flags, Broken Glass is about the consequences of choosing to ignore them until it’s too late. This is a relationship song that again delves into personal character in the bridge, “It might seem that I love you / But I just don’t want to be alone.”
You Forced Me Too ⭐⭐⭐⭐.5
This song is my favorite at the moment because it really stands out harmonically from the rest. The lyrics are uncomfortable and offer a reflection on everything that went down in Broken Glass.
Older
Older ⭐⭐⭐.5
Older feels like a reflection on section II, but after a little bit of time. The song feels more tired, and defeated with really simple production. The lyrics describe the feeling of wanting to have learned a lesson, when really you just haven’t. It’s the title track and I think does a great job of capturing the whole theme of the album.
“Thought it’d be over by now / thought you would leave / thought I would come to my senses / wish I was stronger somehow”
We are who we’ve always been.
Better Than This ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Better Than This is so beautiful and yet another song about not feeling worthy. By this point of this album in though, Lizzy realizes that both of the people in the relationship need to spend some time working on themselves. The song goes back and forth saying “someone will love me / better than this / someone will love you / better than this”.
March ⭐⭐⭐⭐
March is a beautiful song about grief. The most powerful line in this song to me is “tryna find the lesson in it all but / I haven’t learned anything”. People always say that everything happens for a reason. But sometimes things just happen, and it’s really hard to know what to make of them.
Vortex ⭐⭐⭐
If the album began as tentatively hopeful, it ends pretty hopelessly with Vortex. Vortex reflects on the relationship, kind of assesses about what was learned from it, but mostly settles on being *chaotically accepting* of the current feelings and circumstances. Lizzy ends the song with the lines: “someday I’ll be kinder to myself”; “someday you’ll come back / and I’ll say no”.
Final Reflections
I appreciate that by the end of the album there isn’t a real sense that anything has been gained or that things are even okay. There exists a sense of growth throughout the songs’ story, but if asked to describe what that growth actually is, I think it would be unidentifiable. Vortex ends with a long instrumental with musical motifs that bring us back to The Elevator. In a way we feel like we’re right at the beginning.
In my life, sometimes I feel like I’m living all of these experiences and *trying things* just like everyone says I should, but in the end have very little to show for it.
Probably the number one thing people say to me when I mention traveling is that “I’ll learn and grow so much”. I hope that by the end of my trip I’ll be able to talk about specific lessons I’ve gained or insights I’ve had, but what if I can’t?
Older now, and all for what?
travel update
My family met me this week in Madrid. We are exploring Spain/Portugal over the next couple of weeks. If I could say one thing to my high school self, it would be “you’ll never really get an opportunity to live with family in the same way ever again”. I feel like I didn’t adequately say “goodbye” to my family (proxy for childhood) when I left for college. I didn’t realize that was it… I probably wouldn’t get to live with my parents/brother in the same way ever again. This realization has made me really cherish these moments we have together. It’s my mom’s first time in Europe also and I’m just really grateful to have them here with me.
Anyways, Madrid was amazing, but I was obsessed with Lisbon. It may just have been my recent hankering for warmer climates / cheaper cities, but I loved it.
It was also so touristy but I didn’t even care because it was unlike any place I’ve ever been. I loved the tiling, Moorish architecture, ocean breeze, hills!!, etc.
Our time in Lisbon was not without its moments… we had flight issues, my brother got food poisoning, AND we found b*d bugs (all of which goes to say I must have REALLY LIKED LISBON because I would still do it all over again).
We are now on the southern Portugal coast for a few days and are just going to chill out here b*d bug free hopefully. :)
Thanks for reading!! xx